Trees flash past the clouded window

The colors blur to become a constricting rainbow

Lights flash as engines rev

A cacophony of light and sound

Senses burn and throb

Losing the ability to cope

Grasping for ideas

Trying to find words to say

Wanting to be interesting

Keep him interested

Words fall out into silence

Topic switch

Try again

More silence

 

And so silence falls

What words are there to say?

Easier to stay within my mind

Why speak if there is no one to hear?

At least no one who cares to

 

A moment of clarity peaks through

 

I’m doing it again

I’m falling into my mind

I’m falling into silence

 

I need to make words

Ask him the questions

Let him confirm or deny

Stop assuming

Stop spiraling

 

My lips won’t part

My tongue won’t form the shapes

I scream but no one can hear

 

I’m doing it again

I’m spiraling

I need to stop

Why do I always do this?

I’m so bad at conversation

So bad at conveying what I have to say

I just shouldn’t talk

 

Why would anyone want to hear?

My words uninteresting

Grasping for words just to speak

Uninteresting

Slowing down

Unintelligent

Worthless

Never enough

 

I’m doing it again

I’m spiraling

I need to stop

I need to make it stop

I’m so awful

Why do I do this to him?

 

Still silence

Still I am silent

Though the storm rages inside

The words swirl and tear inside

But none escape

 

“What caused your mood to tank?”

 

Make words happen

Need to answer

I can do this

But can I really?

I mess it up all the time

 

I answer

 

Silence

 

He walks away

 

I was right

I just shouldn’t talk

Why waste the effort if no one want to hear?

 

He comes back

 

We talk

 

I fight through tears

I fight the clenching of my throat

Forcing out words

Pushing out the spiraling disaster

 

We talk and talk

Worries and fears come to light

Which he assuages

Self-loathing fights back against his words

The more I listen the more my heart can hear

 

My senses begin to calm

The whirlpool inside begins to slow

Words tinkle out with comparative ease

The trees are still and calm

My world finding peace